The Ninjettes by Al Ewing

Today, boys and girls, we're going to talk about a very important topic: Feminism. Also known as, "You Keep Saying That Word; I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means."

This is going to sound snarky. But that's only because I'm so tired of seeing strong women being portrayed as men with boobs. Assigning a bunch of masculine characteristics to a woman does not make her strong--it makes her a negative stereotype.

We'll be getting to that shortly.

The Ninjettes with its rockabilly name and cutesy-kanji font made me think this was going to be a female-friendly butt-kicking extravaganza. I was expecting it to be a little cliche, but I was hoping the peek-a-boo bra and headless civilian corpses were just cheesecake coverart to lure in the male crowd.

Alas, I was wrong.

The female characters in this book are repulsive, disgusting excuses for human beings, let alone members of the female sex. Examples? The main character kills a little boy for crying after his uncle tries to molest him and she kills said uncle before his eyes, because the sound of his frightened wails are annoying her. A man kindly suggests to her that she wear a helmet while writing her motor cycle. She breaks all his bones and shoves him into a trashcan. A waiter tells her she can't smoke in a restaurant, and she puts her cigarette out in his eye.

What the fuck?

It's not just that these characters are female that bothers me, because I'd be equally disturbed and disgusted if a man were doing this, but also the fact that there are people out there who think that this constitutes a "strong female protagonist." It's like Kushiel, from Kushiel's Dart. She falls into the sex role she's ascribed and becomes good at manipulating people, taking advantage of them through sex.

That's not empowerment.

And neither is hacking up people for the fun of it, and acting like an oversexed bitch in heat.

I found the sheer amount of stereotypes, graphic violence, and crudities in this graphic novel extremely offensive, and will not be reading anything by this author ever again.

DNF.

0 stars.

Le Best of 2012!

I was lucky enough to win this via the Goodreads giveaway. It's one of those great post-death magic-realism novels popularized by the publication of Lovely Bones. The author seems like such a nice lady, though--she sent me a finished copy of the book after I reviewed the ARC. Hooray!

You can read my original review of it here.

Wowza! This book lived up to all the hype, and I'm pleased as punch about it. I love books about assassins (which, if you've read my work, should be obvious--they're pretty much ALL about assassins), and I thank my lucky stars that Poison Study became as popular as it is, because we need more books like this about bad-ass women kicking the asses of baddies. I'd kill for the sequel. Killer nuns, people! Do I need to say any more than that?

You can read my original review of it here.

Sometimes you come across a book that punches you in the feels-equivalent of the nutsack, and that, my friends, is The Fault in the Stars. The writing is gorgeous, and it features one of the most uncliched, delicate, beautiful approaches to having cancer patients as main characters that I have ever seen. Are you tired of cancer being used as a deus-ex-machina or plot device in lit'ry fiction? Read this book. Just make sure to stock up on lots and lots of tissues.

You can read my original review of it here.

Brain on Fire is one of those stranger-than-fiction deals. It's a medical mystery, a memoir, and a brilliantly researched case-study of neuroanatomy all in one. I was amazed by how self-possessed and scientific this memoir was, as many psychology-related memoirs invariably end up annoying me with their self-congratulatory and ignorant recollecting, but this was beautifully written. It turns out Ms. Cahalan was an investigative journalist--it shows, and the book is all the more wonderful because of it. Oh, and guess what? I won this one through Goodreads, too! Thanks!

You can read my original review of it here.

 

My younger brother will tell you that I am incredibly picky about which graphic-novels I do and don't want to read. I generally eschew superhero novels, and I don't really like zombie novels either, which means I'm out of luck with 99% of the available stock. Thank god for the 1%, eh? Saga is beautiful. The storyline, the characters, the world-building, the artwork--EVERYTHING. You need to be all over this like white on rice, pronto.

You can read my original review of it here.

Also, I'd just like to give a shout-out to the people who bought all my books this year! I published three this year, and I hope to stay that productive well into the next. My cover-designer/BFF/fellow writer really outdid herself with the covers, and all compliments thereof should be directed towards her.

    

For more information, click the 'my works' tab at the top of the page. Or, you can visit me on Goodreads! I'd be delighted to make your acquaintance!

 

*pixel-art used in blog and banner are from glitter-graphics.com

**book covers taken from Goodreads.com

Think Tank, Vol. 1 by Matt Hawkins

Superheroes are fun and all, but it's hard to relate with somebody who has borderline magical powers and infinite money and blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean?

Think Tank is great because the main character, Dr. David Loren, is so realistic. He's incredibly brilliant, but flawed, and has personality characteristics that borderline what you see in people with mild Asperger's Syndrome.

David was scoped out by a military scouter at age fourteen for his precocious abilities in chemistry and computer programming. He was guaranteed admission into Cal-Tech with the understanding that he would collaborate with the military upon graduation.

They give him pretty much anything a nerdy guy in his twenties could yearn for--all the junk food he can eat, all kinds of toys, pretty much unlimited funding. The only catch? He's a prisoner living in a gilded cage. And if he ever gets away, he'd likely be killed to preserve national security.

Talk about a catch-22.

I think we all know how I feel about spy-thrillers and espionage. I grew up on freaking James Bond. Heck, I write spy-thrillers, so, naturally, I must like them. I'm very picky about the genres I like, mostly because I've read so many in that genre that I have a lot to compare it to/EXPECTATIONS.

But this was really good. I enjoyed every moment of it; and it made me feel smert. I like feeling smert. Who doesn't?

I must say, though, that the author probably shouldn't be rating himself five-stars. Leave that up to your reviewers to decide, yeah?

4.5 to 5 out of 5 stars.

(There.)

Spera: Volume Two by Josh Tierney

I actually applied for this on a whim. Spera was on auto-accept on NetGalley, and the charming artwork and fantasy premise made me shrug and think, "Why not?"

Allow me to explain to you why this book is so awesome.

Firstly, it is really unique in the sense that while the storyline is consistent across the various chapters (with the exception of a few "bonus" storylines that are basically in-world fanfiction), each chapter is illustrated by a different artist. And the styles are so different! Everything from high-brow anime to 60s surrealism!

The plot is about two exiled princesses from two different kingdoms. They are best friends and seeking out adventure. Pira is the tall, silver-haired princess who dresses like a boy. She's a tomboy, and wields a magical green sword. She has a fire-demon guardian who looks a bit like Hagrid in human form.

Lono is the demure-looking blonde. She always wears dresses and she has a pet pirate warrior cat. One of the running gags in the story is that her dresses are always getting stained with blood from the monsters Pira always manages to find and slay. But Lono isn't the stereotypical damsel in distress. She wants to be powerful, too. So Pira gives her a glass dagger for her birthday and starts training her as her apprentice-sidekick. And Lono actually does wound one of their attackers!

Spera is a beautiful fantasy story about female empowerment, friendship, and self-discovery. There are undertones of Pira and Lono being "more than friends" and you know what? I SHIP IT.

Seriously. They would be the best couple ever.

4.5 to 5 out of 5 stars.

Randomveus, Volume 1 by Jeffrey Chamba Cruz

If you gave a bunch of nine-year-olds a bunch of crack and a pack of crayons, the end result would look like Randomveus.

And you know what? That's actually a good thing.

This was really, really, really cute. The shounen-style artwork had me a little worried, but Cruz also employs a lot of chibi stuff and pastel colors enhanced with the dodge tool. The end result is something like you would see in a Hayao Miyazaki movie, or a unisex video game for children.

The main character is a tall, buff, metrosexual guy who says stuff like "Crackers," and "Cool bananas." After going through a series of dead-end odd-jobs, he ended up getting sucked down a porta-potty into a Wonderland-like world.

Unfortunately, when he landed, he killed one of their creatures and now he has to be a delivery guy--or face being dinner for a bunch of turtle monsters. It's all good, though, because he has a butt-kicking preteen girl and a sentient jelly-bean helping him out.

Oh my god. Did I mention how cute this was? It was so cute. Excuse me while I go squee.

4.5 stars out of 5.

When the Siren Calls by Tom Barry

An alternative title for this book could very well be "When Rich People Can't Keep It in Their Pants."

Initially, I was very excited to read this book. I applied for it about five times in the GR giveaway because the summary was so compelling. The original summary, that is. When it was changed to describe this book as Lady Chatterley's Lover meets Fifty Shades of Grey I grew concerned. When I noticed that several other book-bloggers whose opinions I hold in very high regard seemed to be making a point to eschew this book, my concern grew still more.

It isn't that this book is badly written. The writing is quite poetic, though Barry does have a tendency to overuse adverbs. I was able to overlook many of the characters' annoying traits because it was so easy to lose myself in the prose--and then...I couldn't.

I think he's trying to emulate the sensationalist writers of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century who wrote about bored rich women filled with ennui about their marriages. Books like Lady Audley's Secret, Lady Chatterley's Lover, Mrs. Dalloway, Madame Bovary, The Awakening, and The Virgin and the Gipsy. Seeing as how I didn't like any of those books, or their writers, this is not a good thing.

What cinched it for me, though, was the fact that Isobel and Jay are so unlikable, not just as characters but also as people. If they were real, I would hate them.

Isobel is an idiot. She's spoiled, reckless, naive, hypocritical, and a slut-shaming endorser of the Madonna/Whore complex (It's okay when I sleep around, because I have moral integrity). She goes to a Muslim country and because she's made at her husband, enters the marketplace unescorted. In a white, damp linen shirt with no bra. When she gets home, she's like *giggle* silly me, you can see my nippy-nips right through my shirt just "like roses in the mist." (Seriously. That's a quote.)

Um, you do know that you could get killed or raped for doing that, right? Or worse?

Jay saves her from herself and gives her all these generic praises about being sophisticated, brave, blah blah blah (I want to get into your pants), and she falls for it hook, line, and sinker. She finds out that they share the same hotel and tries--unsuccessfully--to seduce him, and feels like an idiot.

Cut to a new passage, and we see that Jay is a pretty disgusting excuse for a human being. His business apparently seems to be a Ponzi scheme, and he's on the verge of losing his fabulous wealth. He takes his (married) friend to a brothel and the two of them get down and dirty with foreign prostitutes and--I suspect--Jay is setting up this married successful friend up for blackmail, in exchange for some lucrative business deals. I don't know, because I only got about 25% of the way through the novel. I am so tired of repulsive billionaires with hot-bods being sold as dream men.

No. Just because I have two X chromosomes does not mean I am an entirely superficial being who is incapable of thinking without her vagina "inner-goddess."

This had all the makings of a good book, but the insufferable characterization and the fact that it is attempting to ride on the coattails of FSoG made it extremely annoying. Plus, I wasn't too keen on the fact that the author gave himself a five-star rating, and a long and extensive review toting the literary merits of his own book, either. In my opinion, that's extremely unprofessional.

DNF.

0 stars.

Bad Medicine, #1 by Nunzio DeFilippis

I used to be really into manga, and part of that enjoyment came from looking up really obscure ones to talk about as a kind of otaku pissing contest between me and my nerdy friends.

One of these was a fairly dark series called Black Jack, from the 1970s-1980s. If the style looks familiar it's because the manga was done by the same guy who did Astro Boy and Kimba. It's pretty much like a semi-supernatural version of House M.D.

When I came across Bad Medicine in netgalley's archives, I was excited to see that it was like a cross between all of these things and X-files. Volume #1 contains two separate case studies.

In the first, a bunch of headless corpses are found--except there's no blood at the neck "wound"--in fact, it turns out that there might not be a wound at all...just that the heads have turned invisible as the result of some mad Invisible Man-type scientist.

Ooh. Creepy, right?

The second one is about werewolves. I mean werewolves in the traditional OM NOM NOM humans sense, not in the Taylor Lautner shirtless sense. You can use your imagination for that one.

I really wanted to like Bad Medicine, but it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. For one thing, I wasn't counting on it being so text-heavy. The downloadable edition is a very low resolution, so even when looking at the comic zoomed in 1:5, the words still looked blurred and gave me a massive headache.

The artwork isn't anything special, either. I don't mean that it's bad, just that it has nothing to set it apart from other generic pseudo-realistic art styles. For example, Revivers was very realistic, and the author had an amazing grasp of human expression and emotion. Saga had beautiful artwork that melded seamlessly with the writing and storyline. Alice in Wonderland was...well...surreal.

Also, I really urge someone to fix the text. I understand wanting to protect the copyright and all, but you also don't want to give all your ARC readers eyestrain trying to make out the text.

1.5 stars out of 5.

Classic Popeye, Vol. 1 by Bud Sagendorf

When I was a kid, one of my parents' friends gave us two VHS tapes of vintage cartoons from the 40s, 50s, and 60s. It was pretty bomb, because we were treated to a myriad of very politically uncorrect toons--island natives who are cannibals, Merry Melodies with cartoonized blackface, vintage Superman cartoons where he fights against the Japs and the Nazis, Gabby, the Three Stooges, Casper, Felix the Cat, and, of course, Popeye.

Popeye was one of those hit-or-miss cartoons with me as a kid. Some of them were funny--usually, those were the ones with Bruno, and his ploys to kidnap Olive--but a lot of them were kind of dumb. Olive was always screeching, and even to a kid, Popeye was dumb. Does spinach give you muscles but rot your brains?

When I came across this omnibus edition of some of the classic Popeye comics from the 40s, I was excited to see how well the cartoons had held up after all these years. To my surprise, Bruno was not mentioned at all. Was he a later addition to the cast? Olive Oyl was there, of course, in all her anorexic, sausage-nosed glory, and Wimpy, the cowardly hamburger afficionado, was also very much present, but there were a couple characters I'd never seen before! Pappy--Popeye's father. And Swee'pea, Popeye's adopted Li'l Boy Kid who looks suspiciously like Olive.

I liked the artwork a lot. The Popeye cartoons have some pretty interesting takes on human anatomy. I remember Mad Magazine had this funny forensic science spoof where they analyzed the skeletons of various popular cartoon characters who were still fairly popular in the 1980s. With his hulking forearms and prominent overbite, Popeye was one of them.

Unfortunately for the cartoons, it's pretty cliche--and dated. For example, all the bad guys look like they could have come out of a black-and-white silent film. They're all dark, mustachio'd, and carry about their stolen loot in dollar-sign bags. Olive is probably the most idiotic and gullible damsel in distress ever, whining about how she doesn't like violence even as she's like, "SAVE ME POPEYE!" Plus, one of the titles of the cartoon is, "You know she's my girl because she's wearing two black eyes." Isn't that charming? Wife-beating is sooooooo funny you guys.

I think Popeye has more value now as a piece of pop culture memorabilia than it does as actual entertainment, though I have to admit the Ghost Island comic made me chuckle a bit.

Don't take it too seriously, and don't eat too much spinach. You'll get gout. In fact, that's probably why Popeye's forearms are always so swollen.

2 stars out of 5.

Alice in Wonderland by Raven Gregory

Alice in Wonderland is one of those stories that continues to captivate readers even over a century after its publication. And being the sucker for twisted faerie-tales that I am, I just couldn't resist this graphic-novel retelling of that classic fantasy story.

Note: this features very graphic violence and sexual content, and is not at all suitable for readers under eighteen.

Seriously. Don't let the Technicolor and baby faces fool you. This is probably one of the most disturbing things I've read in a while.

I actually kind of feel like I need to take a shower. ;~;

Alice starts out as the young, precocious girl we all love and know. Her grandparents are forcing her to confront her fear of dark places by having her go into a rabbit hole--

Except she ends up getting sucked into wonderland, and wonder quickly morphs into terror as she gets possessed by the Jabberwocky. He eventually sends her back, but not after infecting her with a part of him so he can take over the real world. Meanwhile, Alice in wonderland grows up separate and not equal, becoming a buxom piece of centerfold who somehow manages to include at least one glimpse of decolletage or panties per page. I am not exaggerating. Subtle, these cartoonists are not.

As she wanders across the treacherous lands of Wonder, she encounters familiar characters in all their perverted and horrific glory. For example, did you know that the Walrus actually used to be a cannibalistic sailor who then got possessed by a walrus skeleton and became a cannibalistic Walrus? And did you know that the Queen of Hearts has multiple personality disorder? And that the Mad Hatter likes to wear women's clothing? And that everyone in Wonderland has a vore fetish?

I did not. And I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, "ignorance is bliss."

While reading, I couldn't shake this eerie feeling of reminiscence but I couldn't put my finger on what Alice in Wonderland was reminding me of. It wasn't until the style geared slightly more towards the anime that I nailed the resemblance: Kaori Yuki. In terms of content, this is very much like Kaori Yuki--the beautiful artwork, the gore and bizarre sex, the surrealistic horror.

All of it.

Oh, and this edition has a cover gallery at the back that's basically soft-core porn. Have fun with that.

3.5 stars out of 5.

Last Days by Adam Nevill

I was suckered in from the start by the comparison to Stephen King, who just so happens to be one of my all-time favorite horror writers. The creepy-gorgeous cover didn't hurt, either.

Unfortunately, Stephen King seems to be the fallback description people use when they can't think of another person with whom they can compare to horror writers. Kind of like how E.L. James is now used for ANYONE who writes romantica novels.

Adam Nevill is more like Scott Sigler than Stephen King, and for me this wasn't a good thing. So if you are not a fan of Sigler's work, you might want to steer clear of Last Days.

Some people can tell they're going to like a book from page one. I'm like this. I can also tell when I'm not going to like a book from page one, and sadly, this was a member of the latter.

The writing is very clunky. I hoped it was a stylistic choice for the prologue, but it persisted well into the next couple chapters. I skimmed, and didn't find anything to draw me into the story. His dialogue is wooden and the pacing is on par with that of a turtle with arthritis.

I've been known to have a short attention span, so these problems might be more due to personal preferences than the abilities of the writer, himself.

DNF.

1 star out of 5.

Revival, Vol. 1: You're Among Friends by Tim Seeley

I was not a zombie fan, even when liking zombies was popular. I don't know why, I guess when it comes to the living dead I've always preferred vampires. After all, there's nothing sexy or appealing about a bunch of walking corpses going around and saying, "Brainssss... brainssss..."

Seeley has a really unique take on the whole zombie thing, though. For starters, they aren't called zombies. They're called "revivers." They also don't eat brains. The only difference between them and the living is that they can't be killed. The fact that they retain their personae makes the moral boundaries all the more blurred--particularly since some of the most horrible monsters in this book are completely 100% living, breathing humans.

Our main character is a cop named Dana Cypress: divorced single mother with a younger delinquent sister, a hard-ass father who's also her boss, and a pretty shitty dating life.

I loved Dana. Like, seriously. She is one of the best female characters I've come across in a graphic-novel. A) she had a realistic figure--heavy, even a little dumpy; B) she was bad-ass, and wasn't afraid to tell people not to treat her like she was a bimbo just because she has boobs, C) her relationship to her ex-husband is fairly congenial, D) she is a wonderful role model for both her sister and her son.

Her sister, Em, is the family favorite despite being a problem-child. Dana got knocked up in high school and their father has never really forgiven her for it, even after all these years. However, Em has problems, too. For starters, she's dead. That's right. She's a reviver--and somebody murdered her to boot, though she doesn't know who. But as Revival progresses, and we get a better sense of Em's character, we learn that several people may have had a stake in her death.

Doesn't that sound awesome?

That's because it is.

I am just so happy to find a graphic-novel with such a fresh take on both zombies and feminism. Seriously, you guys. I clicked the scroll bar for several seconds before realizing that it was over and there was no more story, and there may or may not have been a few tears....

4 out of 5 stars!

Saga Volume One by Brian K. Vaughan

Sometimes a writer has *too* many great ideas, and they try to cram all those ideas into one book and the end result overwhelms the reader. Brian K. Vaughan's Saga is proof that this can work.

It's hard to describe, actually, because there's SO MUCH going on. There is a planet full of winged people with super-badass technology who are at war with the "moonies": animal-like people with magic spells and weapons. Also there are robot people who are like the Blue Man Group with TVs for heads, assassins, demonic-looking mercenaries, and cats who double as lie-detectors. Oh. And tree rocketships.

That's right. Fucking tree rocketships.

I know it sounds like something someone might come with after a drop or two of acid, but this was absolutely amazing. Alana and Marko, the two star-crossed lovers from opposing sides of the battlefield, are an amazing couple. I knew it was going to be great when it starts off with Alana's pregnancy and she's like, "AM I SHITTING?"

Seriously. They're the best couple EVER. So respectful of one another, and yet replete with all the flaws of normal relationships like stinky morning breath, awkward past relationships, and not always looking your freshest and bestest. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

The ghost babysitter, Izabel, was no less lovable. I loved the twist with the horrors, and the nightmarish "meet the parents" turn at the end. Hoo-boy. Talk about awkward.

 

Okay, you're right. I'm not calm. I'm fangirling my brains out right now.

WHERE THE 'H' IS VOLUME 2? I WANT/NEED IT NOW.

Oh--and guess what else? The main character, Alana? She likes reading trashy romance novels. You hearing this? She's a woman trained like a soldier married to a powerful renegade magician, and she likes reading trashy romance novels about rock men who hook up with miners' daughters.

I KNOW RIGHT

...Whatever, it's still a better love story than Twilight.

5 out of 5 stars!

The Summer I Learned to Fly by Dana Reinhardt

The Summer I Learned to Fly had all the ingredients for an awesome storyline--off-beat protagonist who works in a cheese shop called "Cheese Shop," mother having secret relationship, mysterious love interest who is quite possibly homeless, a pet rat named after a cheese with a royal title to boot.

I'll admit it, I was hoping for a cross between Stargirl and Sarah Dessen. That's not quite what I got, and since hell hath no fury like a book-addict's hopes spurned, I was annoyed.

The problem with The Summer I Learned to Fly is that it tries too hard. It's like that one kid who desperately wants to be popular, so they do the most outrageous things to get people's attention. And people do pay attention--sometimes--but only to laugh and snort and shake their heads and eventually even that gets old and they just get bored, and look away, wishing (s)he would disappear.

The book started out with so much promise, but then devolved into painfully boring minutiae.

DNF.

1 star.

Down a Dark Hall by Lois Duncan

Remember when young-adult books used to come in bite-sized installments of 200-pages-or-less?

Me, too!

I'd pretty much given up on ever reading Down A Dark Hall because a lot of Duncan's older books are surprisingly hard to find--and my mean book-banning library doesn't carry them because of Reasons.

(One of the teachers kindofsortof admits to liking Kit.)

So you can imagine my surprise when I found this book in their non-profit bookstore, crammed between Goosebumps and Gossip Girl. My copy has that uber-cheesy one from the 1980s with the skull hands playing the flaming piano. You can tell, because it screams "R.L. Stine knock-off." Remember all those copy-cats?

Remember?

Down A Dark Hall features plucky Kit Gordy who's being shipped off to boarding school so her mother and her new stepfather can get down and jiggy with it on their honeymoon to Europe. Her stepfather makes no bones about not wanting her alone, and is insensitive to the point of assholiness.

The school has the token haunted house sort of name. Blackwood. It conjures up images of misty moors and sketchy servingwomen and no-nonsense matrons with a predilection for sneaking up on you when you least expect it. The headmistress goes by Madame, and she's just come from Paris.

But she's rather vague about what happened to the students at her old schools.

And there are only four girls at this one.

It turns out that the four girls in Blackwood have been screened out for their ESP abilities, as well as their susceptibility to ghosts. Blackwood is a conduit for the afterlife, and the ghosts are possessing the girls in order to finish what they couldn't in life--artists, writers, musicians, poets.

This sounds like it's not quite so bad. And at first it isn't. But not all artists were kind. One of the girls starts channeling a disturbing Frenchman who's never named but who I'm fairly certain is the Marquise de Sade. And, of course, there are many artists who dabbled in the nightmarish. And these latter tend to be more...um...demanding in terms of possession, and less caring about what happens to the people they are inhabiting--even if it means their madness, or their deaths.

Down a Dark Hall is proof that a story doesn't need to be exceptionally bloody, or be filled with instalove romance, in order to have a good plot. I really enjoyed reading this; it's highly reminiscent of Mary Stewart, Victoria Holt, and other ghotic sensationalists of the 70s and 80s.

Highly recommended for people looking for a good old-fashioned romp into vintage YA.

3 stars out of 5.

A Plague Year by Edward Bloor

This book is not about zombies.

I'm just putting this out there in case you, like me, were suckered in by the summary on the book's jacket cover.

A Plague Year is not about zombies.

It's not even really about a plague.

It's about a small, backwards mining town that suddenly gets hit by a surge of meth-dealing after 9/11.

Don't get me wrong. That could have been cool, too. But the execution was awful. Propaganda, really. I haven't seen this much drug-bashing since grade school. It was like this book was written by the freaking D.A.R.E. program.

The town is full of people who do the most stupid things, like putting their child on antidepressants for smoking a single joint, forcing a child into therapy because they make an innocent joke about drugs, and sending in counselors to tell children that marijuana will erode their ability to take pleasure in anything but drugs. That's more like Ecstasy, actually. But whatever.

I really, really, really don't like it when authors use books as a platform to preach their own religious, moral, and sociological beliefs. Particularly not in such a high-handed and deceptive way. It's a bit like opening up a store, calling it a "book shop" and then only selling King James bibles.

Worse--a lot of the stuff being parroted in this book is wrong, wrong, wrong. Hateful, even.

I couldn't finish this book. Drug-using is an issue, yes, but the people who should really be faulted are the sellers--NOT the users themselves, in my opinion. A lot of times, drug use is a means of self-medication for underlying psychological problems. Punishing kids--using antidepressants and therapy as punishments and stigmatizing mental illness further!--is just so horrible, I can't--

Ugh.

Did not finish.

0 stars.

Black Hole Sun by David MacInnis Gill

I won an ARC of Invisible Sun, the sequel to this book, in a giveaway. When I saw the prequel for sale at my library's bookstore for one dollar, I was like, THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

...I have a problem.

But anyway, in Invisible Sun there were a lot of things that didn't make sense. Like, why does Mimi call Durango "cowboy"? How did Mars get terraformed? Why does everyone speak the curse words of every language fluently? Even though everyone is, predominantly, white? And where did Regulators come from? (Not to be mistaken with the Stephen King novel by the same name.) None of these questions were answered to my satisfaction in Invisible Sun, so I thought Black Hole Sun might be the ticket.

Nope!

That isn't to say that I don't love this series. I do. Really. At first, I wasn't so sure but the snarky banter grew on me and I just skimmed over the foreign curses because what I imagined them to mean (may your ancestors choke on a barrelful of rancid sardines!) is probably a lot funnier than what they actually do mean (**** @#($)@*##@$@# ****!!!!!!). I can hear that on the freeway any time I want, you know. All I have to do is merge without signaling and the curses, they just fly.*

*I am a responsible driver and would never do this. My sister, on the other hand...**

**My sister is a responsible driver and would never do this, either.

I'm bummed that the Regulator culture isn't described in more detail because it's pretty bizarre. They operate on tenets of honor, like the samurai, and kill themselves to spare themselves the shame of failure. Their greatest honor is to die a "Beautiful Death," a death of battle, so they can go to--I am not kidding--Valhalla. Oh, and they have to cut off their pinkie finger, like the Yakuza.

What kind of a cultural melting pot formed this group, that it would be such a hodgepodge of strange and violent customs from across the world? I don't know. I'd like to know. Backstory, Mr. Gill!

I mean, really. You've got an awesome concept here. Work it!

The Black Hole Sun series comes perilously close to being over the top. It doesn't quite reach that point, at least not for me, but it's close. I think a lot of the snark could be sacrificed to make the transitions between scenes smoother and less hurriedly choppy.

As it is, this is a fun, light-hearted romp through space, and highly reminiscent of the Power Rangers or Beetle Borgs, or one of those other 90s-era teen superhero franchises. Why it isn't a TV series already is beyond me.

3.5 to 4 stars out of 5!

Graffiti Moon by Cath Crowley

I just know someone is going to hate on me for giving Graffiti Moon a one-star review, telling me "I didn't get it," or whatever. That's one of the bummers about getting older, I suppose. You stop "getting" young adult books that try to be all hip and happenin' because you're no longer jive and jiggy with the times. Ya dig?

Graffiti Moon tries to be profound. Sometimes it even comes close to succeeding, but it's very affected.

It's like listening to a hipster talk. They may have some interesting insights about the world, but you will never be entirely sure if they are pulling this stuff out of their bums, stole it from someone else, or are just being ironic and trying to f**k with you.

Graffiti Moon takes place in Australia. It's about six teens who end up pairing off and having deep and meaningful conversations and all the while, they're hunting down these two graffiti artists who work together--Shadow, and Poet. One does the stencils, and the other does the stanzas. Little do the girls know that the tormented souls they're lusting after are the boys in their own group. Gasp!

(Don't worry, this isn't a spoiler. They pretty much admit it in the first chapter.)

 In a way, this is like an art-focused version of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. The movie version, that is. Not the book. The book sucked. I loved the mystery and the music, and how the teenagers all went on their little life-changing journeys while trying to seek out the elusive band.

This was like that, except more humble. Because they were projecting their own hopes and dreams and wishes and expectations on something as humble as a graffiti artist and his secret identity.

While this isn't a badly written book, and indeed manages to be quite beautiful in some parts, I'm definitely not among the target audience. I can say that without question. One of my friends pointed out that actually going to Australia and taking part in their youth subculture makes a difference.

She's probably right. She's right about most things. ;)

This just wasn't for me. But I have a younger sister who's an artist, so we'll see what she thinks.

1 star.

Splendid by Julia Quinn

Julia Quinn is to Lisa Kleypas as Victoria Holt is to Mary Stewart. She's more sensational than Kleypas, and sometimes this works to her advantage. Other times, however, it has me rolling my eyes and wondering why I torture myself with cheesy regency romances.

Well, that should be obvious. For the dukes and the derring-do, ofc.

From what I've heard, Splendid is one of Ms. Quinn's first efforts. For a first book, it's...well, splendid--better than some of her other, later, books, even.

The plot features the tenacious American firebrand, with the equally tenacious red hair: Emma. She is the heiress to a milling fortune and wants to run the company some day but--*gasp*--she's not qualified for the job because of ovaries.

To keep her from nagging him to death about the feminist rights movement that's yet to come, her father sends her off to visit her cousins in England, Belle and Ned. The three of them scarcely have enough common-sense between them to fill a thimble, and this means that they get into all sorts of hijinks and shenanigans--

 

#regrettingnothing

Interestingly, this is how Emma meets her love interest, Alex. Disguised as a maid so she can play in the kitchen with the servants instead of being forced to arrange flowers for her aunt's ball. While going to buy some eggs for Cook, she spies a boy about to be crushed by a carriage and pushes him to safety, not knowing that he is the nephew of reclusive confirmed bachelor and duke, Alex.

Obviously, the two of them fall in love at first sight. Obviously, they do lots of naughty ankle-flashing and carriage-smooching. Obviously, they don't marry each other right away because of reasons stupidity. God, how I wanted to throttle them both.

Quinn's writing is very formulaic, and her endings are all virtually identical. Courtship. Courtship. Heavy petting. Misunderstanding. Rapey bad guy. Idiot hero comes to his senses and saves the day. Ravishment. Compromised innocence. Shotgun wedding. Happily ever after.

I love her writing and her witty banter, but the endings are really becoming a chore to read.

3.5 stars out of 5.

The Awakening by Kelley Armstrong

Be still my heart.

This. Was. Amazing.

I'm wary about starting new series. I admit it. I'm a commitmentphobe. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken.

You see, The Summoning had such an amazing opening, I was afraid that the sequel wouldn't be able to top it in terms of characterization and plot.

I giddily admit to being wrong.

Chloe and her friends are on the run from the evil folks in charge of Lyle House. They discover that their captors are a bunch of supernaturals-cum-scientists called the Edison group.

And they're the experiments.

Those chase scenes...

All that action...

The zombie bats...

I tried to read this book in chunks. And I did. Sort of. In chunks of 100 pages at a time.

Ha. Good luck with that.

All of the characters are fleshed out more in this novel, including the baddies. Aunt Lauren really pissed me off in book one, but I suffered some major feels in book two at her expense.

And oh my gaw, Chloe and Derek--

 

Not only is Derek not TEH HOTNESS, he's actually slightly below average in looks (well, despite a killer werewolf bod), he sweats (OH MY GOD! STINKY SWEAT INSTEAD OF GLISTENING JEWELS OF GODLINESS? THE HORROR), and he's...well, brilliant.

In other words, he's as far from being a Gary Stu as Chloe is from being a Mary Sue.

I actually like Chloe even more than I did before. I'm loving watching her personality develop. She wants to be a movie director when she grows up, and she's always saying "in movies X happens, but in real life, actually Y." Armstrong doesn't do this so often that it gets annoying, but it's cute.

Also, I really, really, really need to know the secret behind the Edison group. And that demon.

Ms. Armstrong, book 3 better wrap up everything nice and neat-like. And I want Chloe x Derek and Tori x Simon pairings. If you do this, I will love you like a love song.

Here is a treat for you. You scream for Ice Cream. I scream for The Reckoning.

 

4.5 to 5 stars out of 5!

The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong

Unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers, I'm not a huge fan of YA. A lot of the time, I feel like potentially awesome plots are dumbed down or censored so as not to offend the kiddies' delicate sensibilities--conveniently overlooking the fact that the kiddies are, in all likelihood, engaging in far more dubious activities in their own free time. Adolescence is gritty.

And even if it isn't, it, like, totally is. Because drama.

I'd heard nothing but amazing things about the Darkest Powers series, and it was popping up on all these recommendation lists on GoodReads. When I saw the entire trilogy for sale at the thrift store for $3, how could I say no? I bit the bullet.

And it was the tastiest, most addicting bullet that I have ever bitten.

Where to begin?

How about with a big fat SQUEE!

For starters, Armstrong has taken a seriously overused and abused genre and made it fresh and original. Realistic, even. When Chloe is taken to a group home after attacking a teacher in her art school, I nodded. Yes, that seemed plausible. The beginning is a little cliche, and "boo hoo little rich girl," but the ghosts kept it from being too trite. And once I got a sense of Chloe's "voice," she really stood out from the passive boy-crazy thrill-seeking protags that are oh-so-vogue in today's YA.

I even--dare I say it?--liked Chloe. And Simon. And Derek. And Rae. And yes, even Tori.

Ms. Armstrong, please accept this humble offering of cake. You deserve every delicious pixelated bite.

 

I haven't been so excited about a YA series since Vampire Academy.

Seriously. Readers looking for a strong, capable heroine (and she's only fifteen!) who walks the walk and talks the talk, and befriends guys before boyfriending them should check this crackpie out.

 

It's...it's...

a w e s o m e.

Thank God I've got The Awakening ready and rearing to go, or that cliffhanger might have made me cry.

4.5 to 5 stars out of 5!

Virtually His by Gennita Low

Well. This was interesting.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings about Virtually His. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, but it also wasn't as bad as I'd feared. Science-fiction/romance crossovers are tricky bits of business because you're writing for a nerdier clientele who want some brain with that booty. But at the same time, you also have to balance the sex and romance with the world-building.



Virtually His takes place in a government testing site in a near-future society. Virtual reality is being used as an implement in war and biomedical research. As with the brain's own circuitry, there are multiple levels of virtual reality, with remote viewing and so on, the levels getting steadily more--ahem--interactive.

I love books about virtual reality, which is why I created a special shelf devoted to it, so that was a definite plus.

The main character is a Russian immigrant named Elena Ekaterina Rostova, though her anglicized name is Helen Roston and her nickname among her colleagues is "Hell." This is very confusing in the beginning of the book, because she has too many dang names. And so does everything else in the book. There's "monitors/handlers" and acronyms for every-bloody-thing, and some of those acronyms don't even make sense. Like there's one that's something like TVRR and it's pronounced "Terror."

 

I spent way too much time trying to figure out what everything meant, and which name referred to which character. Some of the names are laughably bad. Like there's a woman named 'T' who goes by Tess and Tasha, and several other T-names. There's a man called Alex Diamond, a man called Flyboy, and a man called--brace yourselves--Heath Cliffe.

Oh, dear.

The world Gennita Low created was fairly engaging and original, though the content is suspiciously similar to Manna Francis's "Mind Fuck" series--nonconsensual sex and all. They were published in the same year, too. I wonder....

Unlike Low, though, Francis did a better job utilizing her world. And the distinctions between lust and love were exactly that: distinct. Both her characters were men who liked to fuck with (or just fuck) one another. The same goes for Virtually His only the distinction is a whole lot less obvious--

And a whole lot more like instalove.

It doesn't help that all the men have "desperately want to bone the MC" syndrome.

Granted, Hades was a domineering, evil asshole, but he was still sexy. At first I liked ('like' as in, 'you me bed now,' not 'like' as in, 'let's go out to coffee with my parents') him in spite of my better judgment. But then, at the end of the book, Low had him do something that made me rethink that.

He breaks into Helen's room. Drugs her with a pill that completely paralyzes her. And then basically rapes her. That's right. This whole book was leading up to epic!rape fantasy.

Also, that cliffhanger was beyond evil. After jerking me along for the better part of 400 pages, we never get to learn who Hades's real identity is. That made me annoyed.

2.5 to 3 stars.